The 3 R’s. Release, Relax and Reflect

Written by Rachel Windchaser

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September 3, 2019

I was sent a video the other day from a student that is part of our online coaching program. They wanted a suggestion to solve a problem they were having with their horse. The 3 R’s Release, Relax and Reflect, came to mind.

They were expecting me to come up with something technical, an exercise or some sort of movement that would result in solving the issue they were having. Anticipating something physical that they could DO TO the horse, but the quick fix they were looking for was never going to work.

Horses, like any mammal are multifaceted and the reasons why they do something are complex to those who do not listen, yet surprisingly simple when you do. Add to that our need for instant results and your quick fix will be more like quick sand.

To those people my answer, though somewhat unexpected is consistent.. relaxation.

To have a soft horse, a collected horse, they have to be relaxed. To have a connected horse and one that is open for learning and willing to communicate, they have to be relaxed. For your horse to be your partner they have to be relaxed.

So yes, the answer to the question is simple but not one that most people expect to hear, or have the skills to achieve. Relaxation comes when you go with the right energy. If you’re relaxed, they are relaxed. Imagine that, you can actually teach them to relax, to unload and release that tension. What a gift. Unfortunately, in this age of always doing something for something, the art of doing nothing for something has been lost.

I understand that most people are not creating tension in an adverse way, on purpose, but your actions are what they are reacting to. The energy you bring to them will be reflected back. Think about that when you don’t like what you see!

The best analogy I have come up with when trying to explain this is asking my students to imagine themselves learning something new, a new language let’s say. There’s moments of confusion, you get it wrong, or you said the wrong word, you misunderstood the sentence, you misunderstood the conversation. You become frustrated, but the person that you’re having the conversation with is doing nothing wrong. They’re just trying to communicate with you.

So as your horse becomes frustrated, because they are not quite understanding what you are asking them to do, think about what you would need in that situation, taking the example of learning a language.

What do you do to yourself?, maybe not physically but certainly mentally.

You give yourself a timeout, don’t you, and breathe. You take a moment to say “uff” what am I doing?, what was that?, and you allow yourself to think about it. You consider what just happened and go back into your mental toolbox, to look for the answers. Importantly you are unlikely to be doing the activity while you are looking for those answers.

So give your horse that time, give them the opportunity to relax, give them the opportunity to look inside themselves and find the answer. If they can do that without you telling them the answer, and they find it for themselves their confidence builds.

They become more relaxed, more open, and more willing.

I see people asking their horses to do something and they don’t quite get it right. The horse shows a little bit of frustration and their answer is to respond with force, demands, more telling, a tighter grip. Forcing the result.

How does that help them? It might make you feel better because you “achieved” it, but does it stick? , very rarely. Have they enjoyed the experience? absolutely not. Will they be willing to try again next time? Well, maybe but maybe not though. Would you?

When I’m coaching I want people to be mindful of the 3 R’s. Release, Relax and Reflect. I’m not talking about them alone, What’s good for the human, is good for the horse!

You physically release and relax and reflect on how you’re asking and what you’re doing. Allow them to release that tension, relax and reflect on what you’re asking. They will get there and then you have a partnership, a willing partner.